10 Worst Films of the First Half of 2015

I am a very open minded person and I am proud of my philosophy that every film deserves a chance. Well, not every. I wouldn't watch a moment of The Human Centipede trilogy if you paid me to do so. I will watch almost everything though and regardless of what others say, I will form my own opinion.

One problem with this philosophy though: I see a lot of bad films.

Here are the ten worst efforts of 2015 thus far:

10. Adult Beginners

A talented comedic cast gave me hope. The painfully unfunny writing killed it. Adult Beginners just didn't elicit any laughs. Well, actually I think I literally did chuckle twice, but that's it, and the dramatic angle wasn't nearly dramatic enough either. Predictable and familiar and a film I certainly will never revisit.

9. The Boy Next Door

Anyone who has seen The Boy Next Door could and probably will make a pretty compelling case that it is the worst film of the year, and I have trouble arguing against such a thought. It's completely terrible. Despite this, the reason I ranked 8 films as being worse is because I found this one to be "fun bad". It's one of those movies in the vein of something produced by the Lifetime Network which are always atrocious yet I can't turn them off because their poor quality is actually what makes them entertaining. I would watch this again tomorrow with someone else who has not seen it and laugh early and often at how ridiculous it is.

8. The Lazarus Effect

I would have loved for The Lazarus Effect to have been "fun bad" like The Boy Next Door. Unfortunately, this was simply bad bad. Horror that wasn't scary. Likable actors doing nothing to exhibit their talent or charms. Just a stupid plot going through the lazy, predictable motions of a forgettable genre film. 

7. Poltergeist

I am typically not an anti-remake guy, but when you approach something like Poltergeist with such lazy intentions, what's the point? This did absolutely nothing to separate itself from the iconic original film. I can't imagine anyone seeing this movie and feeling the desire to buy it and keep it along side the original, something you might do if it were a different, unique vision of the material. This Poltergeist is just uninspired and boring. 

6. Hot Girls Wanted

I love a good documentary. Hot Girls Wanted is not a good documentary. It seemed like it had potential based on the premise, a film about the changing landscape of the porn industry shifting away from highly paid female porn "stars" and instead churning through 18-20 year old girls who are expecting a glamorous lifestyle from entering the industry. 

Unfortunately the end result is essentially a mediocre and forgettable episode of the MTV series "True Life". Such a run of the mill, bland experience.

5. Unfriended

Hey, want to watch teenage girls and boys Skype with each other for 5 minutes? No? Okay, how about for 75 minutes? Does that sound any better?

Just because a concept is original doesn't make it good. "Modern Family" did an episode this past season where the entire thing plays out through Claire's computer screen and it was immensely better in every possible way than this turd of a film. Unfriended is hard to watch almost instantly, and not once did I care about the fate of these characters.

If it were a five minute short about dopey teens sticking their hands in blenders, I'm buying what that is selling. Just thinking about Unfriended gives me a headache. 

4. Chappie

Oh Neill Blomkamp. What happened to you? Was District 9 a fluke?

Elysium was a sub-par sophomore effort. Chappie is so, so much worse. 

Honestly, I have little else to say. This film is an unexciting mess.

3. The Wedding Ringer

Oh boy. This was the first 2015 release I saw back in January, and I knew it was a pretty safe bet it would pop up on any worst of lists I created going forward. The Wedding Ringer is a comedy that isn't funny. It is poorly acted, especially by Kaley "What does that cue card say?" Cuoco. It is dreadfully familiar and predictable and uninspired, all the usual words to describe such a total failure. 

2. The Cobbler

I should just reserve a spot on these lists every 6 months for an Adam Sandler effort. The Cobbler is made by Thomas McCarthy, who actually made really good films prior to this. It's like anything that touches Sandler turns to shit, because this is just awful. It's offensively unfunny, the premise is ridiculous and the ending? Oh my goodness the ending. I laughed when the twist is revealed, but for all the wrong reasons.

1. Mortdecai

Oh....oh no. I have to think about Mortdecai again. That's unfortunate.

Of all the unfunny in the cinema landscape so far this year, nothing is more unfunny than this. I have no idea what the goal was here, but it didn't just fail, it crashed and burned and then somehow crashed and burned again. 

At this point Johnny Depp is nothing more than a cartoon character spoof of himself. Just a dreadfully misguided picture from start to finish.

The Wedding Ringer Review

My cinematic calendar didn't officially start anew in 2014 until early February when I saw The LEGO Movie in the theater and my goodness, what a way to kick off a fresh slate of films. So clever, so unique, so fresh and so funny, I have now watched that movie three times and up until about a week ago it held firm in my top 10 of 2014. I have seen roughly 110 releases from last year now, and the one that started it all, The LEGO Movie, sits at #11, and this early success felt like an omen for what proved to be a fantastic year in film.

My first film of 2015 was The Wedding Ringer. Uh oh.

I learned last year that it isn't fair to assume the worst prior to actually seeing a movie, because honestly I expected very little from The LEGO Movie based on the trailers and advertisements blaring on my television every few minutes and I was shocked to find a hilarious, heartwarming and quite brilliant work when I actually saw it. So while I obviously didn't expect much from The Wedding Ringer, you never know, right?

Terrible. It's just a terrible movie.

I was searching for laughs and yet I came up empty. I was hoping for some charm and yet I felt so cold. The Wedding Ringer is just recycled, lifeless material, a misguided pile of tropes that have already been done to death before, assembled together here in a way that makes it seem like they are selling the audience something fresh and clever.

At the very least I would have hoped that perhaps some entertaining performances could have elevated the screenplay, but no such luck. Kevin Hart has mastered the art of playing Kevin Hart, but perhaps he should try something different for a change. I show more range as an actor when I call in sick to work. Kaley Cuoco-Sweeting is listed as an "actress" when you Google her, but I think that may be a stretch. Her performance in The Wedding Ringer makes her about as much of an actress as I am an astrophysicist. It was painful to watch her force facial expressions and deliver lines with absolutely no charisma. I assume her being offered this role had a lot more to do with the fact that she is recognizable from the most popular television show on the planet and not because of any sort of captivating audition. I feel as if they could have found someone better for the challenging role of "hot girl who is surprisingly marrying Josh Gad", but I guess a lesser known face might effect ticket sales.

Speaking of Josh Gad, he was the one I was hopeful of the most here because I like the guy and I think he can be funny, but alas he missed the mark as well. Although I will say, of the three he certainly came the closest to bringing some semblance of joy during the film, but really that's like winning a game of "How many fingers am I holding up?" against two blind people.

The Wedding Ringer is the first release of 2015 I have seen and it has a legitimate shot at making my list of worst of the year when all is said and done. Not a great way to start.




1/5