10 Worst Films of the First Half of 2015

I am a very open minded person and I am proud of my philosophy that every film deserves a chance. Well, not every. I wouldn't watch a moment of The Human Centipede trilogy if you paid me to do so. I will watch almost everything though and regardless of what others say, I will form my own opinion.

One problem with this philosophy though: I see a lot of bad films.

Here are the ten worst efforts of 2015 thus far:

10. Adult Beginners

A talented comedic cast gave me hope. The painfully unfunny writing killed it. Adult Beginners just didn't elicit any laughs. Well, actually I think I literally did chuckle twice, but that's it, and the dramatic angle wasn't nearly dramatic enough either. Predictable and familiar and a film I certainly will never revisit.

9. The Boy Next Door

Anyone who has seen The Boy Next Door could and probably will make a pretty compelling case that it is the worst film of the year, and I have trouble arguing against such a thought. It's completely terrible. Despite this, the reason I ranked 8 films as being worse is because I found this one to be "fun bad". It's one of those movies in the vein of something produced by the Lifetime Network which are always atrocious yet I can't turn them off because their poor quality is actually what makes them entertaining. I would watch this again tomorrow with someone else who has not seen it and laugh early and often at how ridiculous it is.

8. The Lazarus Effect

I would have loved for The Lazarus Effect to have been "fun bad" like The Boy Next Door. Unfortunately, this was simply bad bad. Horror that wasn't scary. Likable actors doing nothing to exhibit their talent or charms. Just a stupid plot going through the lazy, predictable motions of a forgettable genre film. 

7. Poltergeist

I am typically not an anti-remake guy, but when you approach something like Poltergeist with such lazy intentions, what's the point? This did absolutely nothing to separate itself from the iconic original film. I can't imagine anyone seeing this movie and feeling the desire to buy it and keep it along side the original, something you might do if it were a different, unique vision of the material. This Poltergeist is just uninspired and boring. 

6. Hot Girls Wanted

I love a good documentary. Hot Girls Wanted is not a good documentary. It seemed like it had potential based on the premise, a film about the changing landscape of the porn industry shifting away from highly paid female porn "stars" and instead churning through 18-20 year old girls who are expecting a glamorous lifestyle from entering the industry. 

Unfortunately the end result is essentially a mediocre and forgettable episode of the MTV series "True Life". Such a run of the mill, bland experience.

5. Unfriended

Hey, want to watch teenage girls and boys Skype with each other for 5 minutes? No? Okay, how about for 75 minutes? Does that sound any better?

Just because a concept is original doesn't make it good. "Modern Family" did an episode this past season where the entire thing plays out through Claire's computer screen and it was immensely better in every possible way than this turd of a film. Unfriended is hard to watch almost instantly, and not once did I care about the fate of these characters.

If it were a five minute short about dopey teens sticking their hands in blenders, I'm buying what that is selling. Just thinking about Unfriended gives me a headache. 

4. Chappie

Oh Neill Blomkamp. What happened to you? Was District 9 a fluke?

Elysium was a sub-par sophomore effort. Chappie is so, so much worse. 

Honestly, I have little else to say. This film is an unexciting mess.

3. The Wedding Ringer

Oh boy. This was the first 2015 release I saw back in January, and I knew it was a pretty safe bet it would pop up on any worst of lists I created going forward. The Wedding Ringer is a comedy that isn't funny. It is poorly acted, especially by Kaley "What does that cue card say?" Cuoco. It is dreadfully familiar and predictable and uninspired, all the usual words to describe such a total failure. 

2. The Cobbler

I should just reserve a spot on these lists every 6 months for an Adam Sandler effort. The Cobbler is made by Thomas McCarthy, who actually made really good films prior to this. It's like anything that touches Sandler turns to shit, because this is just awful. It's offensively unfunny, the premise is ridiculous and the ending? Oh my goodness the ending. I laughed when the twist is revealed, but for all the wrong reasons.

1. Mortdecai

Oh....oh no. I have to think about Mortdecai again. That's unfortunate.

Of all the unfunny in the cinema landscape so far this year, nothing is more unfunny than this. I have no idea what the goal was here, but it didn't just fail, it crashed and burned and then somehow crashed and burned again. 

At this point Johnny Depp is nothing more than a cartoon character spoof of himself. Just a dreadfully misguided picture from start to finish.

The Lazarus Effect Review

I'm sure there are a lot of dudes out there in the world who would be pretty psyched if Olivia Wilde were to wink at them. Unless of course it happens after she has been injected with the Lazarus serum, because zombie Wilde means business. Not fun, sexy business either, no sir. If the undead Olivia even so much as looks in your general direction, you gonna die baby!

The Lazarus Effect is a film that was on life support long before they ever shot a single scene. When a screenplay is this lazy and predictable, a director can pull every trick they can think of out of their bag and you can lavish as much dazzling cinematography on the audience as you want and it is still going to be a long shot to earn my recommendation. So imagine how far I am from a thumbs up here when I point out that director David Gelb had essentially no tricks in his bag and the photography was about as run of the mill as you can find. This is a movie that was about as lifeless as the dog they bring back from puppy heaven.

It wasn't a train wreck at any colossal level, early on I actually felt like something mildly cool could come from this one. You can tell that somewhere bubbling behind the lazy writing were some genuinely intriguing ideas regarding the advancements being made in medicine and the concept of why it may not be so ideal to play god, but at only 77 minutes long The Lazarus Effect quickly rushed through any potential moment to bring any substance to the narrative. Even the way the characters are "developed" is completely mishandled because at no point do we even have a chance to breathe and learn to understand and care for these people. If you want to make the death of a main character carry some emotional weight for your audience, you need to give them a reason to give a shit beyond turning a pretty face into a corpse on camera.

I can't find much negative to say about the performances across the board, including the supporting cast of Donald Glover, Evan Peters and Sarah Bolger, but I also can't find much positive to say about their characters or what they brought to the table. If you have seen this film perhaps you can explain to me, what was the point of having Niko (Glover) be in love with Zoe (Olivia Wilde)? Honestly, please help me out, because I can't find any single reason to include that side plot except perhaps the writers had a misguided notion that it would make us care about them more as people? I would love to be proven wrong, for someone to tell me why those longing looks Niko gave her from a distance had any relevance whatsoever to the big picture, but I doubt it.

Essentially this was a rushed "horror" film in which every scare is of the jump variety and none of them were particularly effective due to being so damn predictable. Oh, you are going to look under the table to see what is down there? I bet when you come back up it will be waiting for you!!! BOO!

I wanted to at least have a little bit of a fun with The Lazarus Effect, but this one never had much of a pulse.

1.5/5